Throughout my life, different events mixed with my genetics have caused me to see some very dark times. Both of my parents have depression, which is a mental disease of chemical imbalance in the brain causing a lack of serotonin. My own experience of clinical depression has caused me to feel disconnected from life, to isolate and question myself. The result of this has been finding myself feeling unworthy of opportunities and relationships that would otherwise positively enhance my life. On more than one occasion I have doubted my abilities, self-worth, and whether my life was worth living.
Choices I had made in the beginning of my adult life made me doubt my abilities to steer myself in the right direction. The choices I made consumed me, allowing the voices within to cause self-doubt and trick me into thinking I was too terrible to carry on because I would only cause grief to myself and others. To this day I occasionally struggle seeing light through the fogs; but through many downs, I have climbed higher up and it has become easier to see over the clouds. Unfortunately, there is no cure-all, but on the flip side every day is a fresh beginning. When you feel like you can’t do it anymore, give it one more try… There is a lifetime to give it one more try.
The journey I have taken this far has given me more bright days. By setting short-term goals that are achievable, I have grown more confident in the abilities I have. Through speaking to myself through love, patience, and understanding and taking part in activities I truly find joy in, my brain has been able to release more serotonin and balance out. Surrounding myself with positive influences has helped to lift my spirits and keep a positive outlook. When I am confronted with a situation of negative connotation, I look for the lesson[s] to be learned, rather than immediately jumping to the “why me” mindset.
Taking an active role in my life and being consciously present has helped me to find more joy in life. Performing daily tasks with passion has created little moments of joy and celebratory moments. For myself, having even the smallest moments of celebration (ex. seeing new roots sprouting on a propagated plant, completing household chores, etc.) breathes life into me and forces me to be present. When participating in life, it makes you feel quite alive! It connects you to the here and now; and disconnects from negative feelings – even for a brief moment – and allows a glimmer of light as a reminder there are things to live for.